Energy Vampires

Energy is all around us. It is within us. The Chinese call it qi (chee) and it’s this qi, or flow of energy, that sustains all living things. It is the life force which permeates everything, connects everything, and links us all together. Yet this life force is not infinite. It ebbs and flows as it moves from one living thing to another. Think back to your high school physics class. Remember the law of the conservation of energy? Energy is neither created nor destroyed, it merely changes form.

Our internal energy levels are changed by the people around us and the activities in which we are engaged. Certain people and activities are energy givers while others are energy sappers. Introverted people tend to feel this drain more than extroverted people, but it can happen to anyone. Ever notice how leaving the gym after a workout you tend to have more energy, and yet sitting in front of the computer for hours on end will drain you to last reserves?  That’s conservation. In the former you are engaged in something that attracts energy to you. The latter is draining energy from you.

This also explains how we can come into work feeling energized and ready to face the day, but by 5:00 we’re exhausted, frustrated, and ready to go to bed. We have used up our energy reserves. It is especially true of people in “giving professions” such as education, social work, and nursing-in other words, any profession in which the person engages in care for another individual(s). In fact, a recent research project led by Noelle Robertson and Jenny Watts of the University of Leicester reported that in higher education, “staff exposure to high numbers of students…strongly predicts the experience of burnout." There it is. Proof that students are energy vampires.

(Just kidding)

In all actuality, anyone can be an energy vampire-a co-worker, client, or friend. You could be one and not even know it. Many of these people have emotional issues that prevent them from understanding the impact they have on others. They complain, live in a world of drama, act as victims, brag, ask questions, or seek approval from others. (Sounds like a group of preschoolers doesn’t it?) This constant bid for attention can be draining and leave you frustrated, tired, and depressed. You don’t want to be rude and send them away, but you have to take care of your own needs as well.

So what do you do when an energy vampire comes calling on you?

It’s important to keep in mind that energy (both positive and negative) is contagious. And it’s easier to get sucked into negativity than positivity thus handing your energy reserves over to the other person. Given those two facts, you need to take steps to arm yourself against those who would suck the qi right out of you.

1. Identify the people and settings which most drain your energy. The best defense is a good offense. Pay attention to what your body tells you. When you leave a meeting or someone leaves your office, take a quick mental stock of how you’re feeling. Are you excited, ready to go on to the next thing? Or are you ready for a nap? Same thing after a meeting, filling out paperwork, etc. What is your body telling you? Knowing what and who your energy suckers are will help you decide how to handle them.

2. Identify the people and activities which give you energy. Do you need time alone to be re-energized? Or perhaps you’d rather spend time with someone special? Does a certain song or quick stretch leave you feeling upbeat and ready to go? (For me it’s “The House Rules” by Christian Kane-fabulous energizing song!) Take some time to discover what makes you feel better. Once you know how to reboot your system, look for ways to incorporate these activities or people into your daily life.

3. Recognize your personal limits. Know what you can do and what you can’t and don’t be afraid to let the other person know. It’s okay to say “no” to a request, even a reasonable one. Remember, you can’t help anyone if you deplete your energy reserves helping everyone but yourself.

4. When dealing with energy vampires, set limits. This can be constraints on time, conversation topics, responsibilities, etc. You cannot solve the problems of the world, or even of one person. Give what you can, and then be ready to walk away. There is nothing wrong with making someone else handle the problems they’ve created. In fact, you’re doing them a favor. If the conversation becomes draining, simply end it by making an excuse to leave. You can also start a conversation with “I’ve only got a few minutes before I have to {fill in the blank}.” Then when time is up, politely bring the conversation to a close. Don’t allow the energy vampire to make you feel guilty or trap you into staying longer than you had indicated.

5. Don’t get drawn in. Limit your emotional response to the other person’s drama. You can listen without becoming involved. If a response is needed, say something neutral such as “I’m sure that hurt your feelings quite a bit,” and repeat as needed. It’s also perfectly acceptable to put an end to the vitriol before it gets going-especially if it involves another person. Simply stop the speaker with something like “If you have a problem with {person’s name here} I think you need to take this up with him/her.” Then refuse to engage in any further discussion. Keep your attitude positive and kill them with kindness-just don’t let yourself become involved. Whenever necessary, walk away. It’s okay to tell someone (even a student or client) that you are not equipped to deal with their problem today, and you need time to think about it. Schedule another appointment for a time in which you will be better prepared.

The bottom line in avoiding energy vampires is this: no one can take advantage of you without your permission. This energy drain is a lack of control. Take it back and it’s like a necklace of garlic. You can create your own vampire vaccine by setting limits on those who drain your energy. All it takes is practice.