2012 A Year to Remember

The new year is less than a week away. I always love the new year. Heck, I love a new month. To me there is something so exhilerating about tearing off the old calendar page and revealing a fresh new page ready to be filled with limitless opportunities, events, and learning. That clean calendar month is the joy of possibility-ready to be whatever I make of it.

This year, however, I don't seem to have the same level of excitement that I usually do. I can find little delight in putting up the 2013 calendar when the news is still full of stories of parents who are burying their children in Newton and the world as a whole seems to have been turned upside down. How can I take joy in the new year, when so many people who have every right to be here celebrating aren't?

I had originally planned to write this post about stress management. Last week I even started mapping it out-no procrastination for me. I was going to talk about how to deal with December's usual anxiety-causing events such as office dynamics, Christmas shopping, traveling, and a six-year-old who counts down the days until Santa comes with an increasing cacophony of yells, singing, and cheering (somebody else out there can relate, right?)? Yet, I can't bring myself to write it. All of that seems so insignificant. How can I write about holiday stress when so many people would be grateful to have the worries I have?

Yesterday I got caught up in an online debate about gun control-specifically whether teachers should be aremed in order to better protect their students. I was (and am) adamant in my belief that this is more harmful than helpful. It teaches our children to fear. To fear strangers. To fear of being harmed. To fear the world at large. I don't know what the answer is, but I know in my heart that this is not it. I subscribe to the Free Range parenting beliefs (www.freerangekids.com) of letting my child be a child. I want her to play outside, to run from house to house, to talk to strangers, to be independent and confident in herself. For many days the media have carried the stories of hero teachers, principals, aides, and other staff. People who put themselves in harms way to save their students. No one can deny the bravery and heroism that these fine people showed in the most tragic of circumstances, but there were some unsung heroes that day as well. Children who helped each other. Who ran past the gunman and escaped. Who hid quietly waiting to be rescued (no easy feat as anyone with small children can tell you). Undoubtably these children will be scarred for the rest of their lives, as I believe the American people will be, but they are heroes. They faced the worst mankind has to offer and met that trial with courage and aptitude which is more than just the survival instinct.

And in this, there is hope. As we often do when there is a national tragedy, the American people came together on Friday. We put aside our political, religious, and moral beliefs to stand with the residents of Newtown, to grieve with them, to love with them. Thoughts and prayers as well as gifts and volunteers from around the country and around the world are with the mourners. America grieves as one for the lives and the innocence lost on Friday.

In fact, it seems that the residents have too much support and would prefer that we find a way to honor the victims without intruding on this small town. I cannot solve the gun control issue, but I believe I have a solution for this. For those of us who feel the need to do something, let us pledge to live 2013 for those who will not be a part of it. Let us love one another, be good to our neighbors, share our bounty with those who have less, and most importantly let us teach our children to do this as well. Let us not live in fear or allow our children to live in terror. Nor should we respond to this tragedy with fear, more violence, or the stockpiling of our own arsonal. Instead, we should live this year in such a way that when our grandchildren's grandchildren study this period in history they can say of America that we came together, putting aside our differences, and truly made this world a better place to be. Let us, though our actions, teach all the evil in this world that love can overcome even the most horrific of tragedies because I still believe it can.

A Season of Gratitude

Gratitude. It seems natural to me that between Thanksgiving and Christmas my thoughts naturally turn to the past year, the future, and what I have to be thankful for. This year has been a part of an amazing journey for me, so it's hard to know where to begin.

A year ago at this time I was full of dispair. I was sure that I was never going to get a new job, sure that I had blown the interview for my dream job,  sure that I was doomed to suffer the wrath of someone who seemed to hate me for no reason that I could fathom. I'm not sure I'll ever figure that one out, but I prefer not to dwell on it. Three hundred and sixty-six days later (it's a leap year you know) I find myself humming on my way into the office in the mornings. I know that I am finally in a place where I am appreciated, and I'm grateful to be here.

According to Wikipedia, gratitude is defined as"a feeling or attitude in acknowledgment of a benefit that one has received or will receive." Three major world religions are focused around the idea of graitude, philosophers have studied it, and Andy Andrews says people with a spirit of thankfulness are the people we all want to be around. Even retailers are getting in on the act. A recent study showed that customers of a jewelry store who were called and thanked increased their business by 70%. Customers who were thanked and told about a sale increased business by 30% and those who weren't called at all showed no increase. Gratitude is important and makes us feel more generous-why do you think servers write "thank you" at the top of your receipt?

Two years ago I was in a very bad place emotionally. I was horribly depressed and wallowing in my misery. Thanksgiving came around, and I began feeling even more sorry for myself. I was in this horrible situation that wasn't getting any better, what did I have to be thankful for? At the Thanksgiving table that year, my four year old daughter announced (out of the blue) that she was thankful to be with her family that she loved. Well, I'm surprised no one commented on the lightbulb that surely went on over my head as it hit me-perhaps I did have a lot to be grateful for afterall (beginning with her).

That night I made a quick list of everything that I had in my life-the things I hadn't spent much time appreciating lately. I felt so good that I decided to make it a daily habit. For one year-from Thanksgiving to Thanksgiving-I would record at least one thing each day that I had to be grateful for. At first it was very difficult, but the more I did it the better I got. I found myself noticing good things more often during the day and thinking "I need to remember this for tonight because I should write it down." By the end of the year I had filled three notebooks and realized that my life wasn't completely horrible. Some days were easier than others; this gratitude journal didn't fix my job situation or end my emotional slump (it takes more than that to fight off clinical depression), but it certainly gave me a new perspective-a chance to see the good around me even though I was often overwhelmed with the bad.

So this year, as I think about all I have to be grateful for I'm again filled with appreciation for life, love, opportunity, those who are on this journey with me. I hope you are too. If not, if stress and frustration overwhelm you, take a few minutes tonight (or right now) and think about the blessings you have in your life. Make a list. Start your own "habitude of gratitude." For me it turns out 2012 was a pretty good year. I can't wait to see what's next. 

Parting Thoughts:This morning, if you woke up healthy, then you are luckier than the million that will not survive this week.

If you have never experienced a war, a loneliness of an imprisonment, torture or a famine, you are happier, than 500 million persons in this world.

If there is a meal in your refrigerator, if you are dressed and have got shoes, if you have a bed and a roof above your head, you are better off, than 75% of people in this world.

If you have a bank account, money in your purse and there is change in your coin box, you belong to 8% of well-provided people in this world.

Work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
Dance like nobody's watching,
Sing like nobody's listening,
Be surprised, like you were born yesterday,
Tell the truth and you don't have to remember anything,
Live like it's Heaven on Earth.